I would really like your opinion on my situation because I need to decide if I should go to community college to stay close and support my family, or I should move out to find a better college for me and find a job but still send support to my parents and younger siblings. This is a life changing decision for me because I might lose my relationship with my parents if I decide to leave. Its hard for me to decide because my life had revolved around them and vice versa now that I am older... it would seem heartless to leave them. But this is my story, please consider my whole situation and give any thoughts or advices.
My dad came from Vietnam and arrived in the US by boat with his family. He is the oldest son of his parents and was always working hard. He met my mom in the US and had first born my older sister at age sixteen. When I was young at around age five, my dad had divorced with my biological mom, who was loving yet neglecting towards me and my two year older sister. My dad was very poor and worked at low paying jobs but he made the choice to keep his two daughters. Two years later, he went to Vietnam and married his cousin's friend, whom he brang back to the US. Since then, she became my step-mother. She was truly beautiful and had came from a moderately rich family. She could have her pick at any guy, but she chose my dad, who was older by around ten years and was average in appearance yet funny and sweet. She knew my dad was divorced and had two kids, but she claims to marry my dad because she pitied him and wanted to help. She almost never admits to loving him, and the first years with her and my sister was accepting and warm.
The next year, she was pregnant. I adored the baby when it was born and I learned to care for him, which was the same with my older sister. As I grew older, I took on more responsibilities that was taught and expected by my step-mom like dishwashing, bottle feeding, sweeping, babysitting, or anything that dealt with cleaning. She is extremely traditional and worships the Buddha, but she has never taught or informed her children of its teachings and yet she is constantly stating and pushing her stereotypical, superstitious, religious, or especially family beliefs and old tradition on my sister and me. She became the head of the house and my father became more docile to her. Nonetheless, he always came with the ideas to move to different places, which we did a few times. My step-mom was smart but protective, or for a better word: strict. Half the time she is yelling and disagreeing with my sister and me when we want to do something. She turns everything negative and was really controlling. She was the one to make the final decision if my sister or I could hang out with our cousins, and rarely could we with our friends because it would have been difficult to even bring up the topic. So I had always been stuck at home, caring for my little half-brother with my sister while my parents worked.
During the beginning of my teen years, my little brother had begun school and my step-mom bribed me to tutor him. My older sister was more known to be a socialite and had gained more freedom. As the years past while I was in middle school and my brother in elementary, my free time was increasingly consumed to teaching my little brother math, writing, reading, and etc with workbooks. My step-mom was seriously into good grades and would never let her son become a dimwit, so she assured that he gained the education through me (my dad couldn't care less about grades). I began to feel like she was using me like a slave even when I knew she was trying to work and support the family, but she expected way too much from a young teen. However, I did it: doing chores, tutoring, and kid-sitting everyday. I am a neat freak and perfectionist and I would do my chores sometimes as a stress-reliever but somehow the house always look as it was before I cleaned it the day after and I get frustrated. My little brother was girly and spoilt and still acted as a baby while growing up because my dad and step-mom were so afraid to let him do things on his own and underestimated what he could have been doing, which in turn, gave me more work and barely had time to play outside. My step-mom was also a work-a-holic and did not believe we should be playing when kids in Vietnam were working hard, but times has changed and it is different living in US than Vietnam. She is so focused on making money for a good house et cetera that she doesn't want to enjoy life or have fun. We always eat her Vietnamese home-cooked food which is boring and bland when the same food is cooked every twice a week. And although it sounds as complaining, she always make so many dirty dishes and I was officially the dishwasher by my sister already.
In the years of high school, I had to juggle my school work and homework with tutoring and overseeing my brother's school work. And FML, my step-mother had to have an unplanned, accidental pregnancy or so my dad says... Even when you know high school grades are important for college, my step-mom had obviously cared and stressed more about my little brother's grade. And I would do chores, tutor him, then, do my homework or study. When my youngest brother was born, we had to be more cautious of our finances. With another brother, I had even less time for myself to ever join school clubs and activities. My sister had learned to do nails with my parent and when she graduated high school, she gradually moved out the house without much conflict. Now, it was only my parents and my two younger brothers. I tried to join clubs and track and field, but I couldn't because I didn't have time with babysitting, tutoring, cleaning, schooling, and doing homework everyday. I tried to stop tutoring a couple times but my step-mom would try to bribe me back to it and stayed adamant. A year later, I would work nails with my parents and simultaneously babysit and tutor when it wasn't busy.
Now that I have graduated from high school, I'm eager to be independent and working for myself. I am currently working as a nail technician with my parents and doing the same responsibilities. Truthfully, I only get paid by tip money and my step-mom takes the rest as I am working to support the family. My step-mom would like for me to go to community college since it would be free of cost with my scholarship and I would be close so I would stay in the house to still babysit and tutor. They need me to stay with them but I need some freedom, and with my controlling step-mom--- she barely lets me stay up and continues to take away any device I have during the night. Also, my dad may be the reason we are struggling to sustain a steady finance because he always want to move, buy a house, and buy off a nail salon so quickly but we end up moving a few years after for reasons that are unnecessary. My youngest three year old brother had become the worst burden I could have at this time. I don't want to be selfish, but now I have much more responsibilities and my step-mom have countless of excuses to keep me at home. I believe I deserved to have that freedom before my youngest brother was born, but now that is taken away. All of my cousins and sister agree that I shouldn't be living like this and my parents should find a babysitter and stop depending on me because without me, they would struggle keeping up work at the nail salon (my step-mom is money greedy and don't want to hire anyone since she has me) and caring for my two younger brother. And unfortunately my ten year old brother acts as a five year old and fights with my three year old brother everyday for toys. My ten year old brother can't even shower himself! My step-mom is told to be a pinkberry* by other family members since she is demanding but she could be understanding. She made a point that she wanted my sister and me to continue supporting the family by giving money during the prime of our career and assumed that I would happily stay in the house for as long as I could until I marry (sort of ridiculous). My father worked hard for us, so he also believes we should payback and my brothers didn't want me to leave. The only time I leave is going shopping at the mall.
What do I do? My grades are good and I am smart enough to get into a good four year college but I have not been able to do scholarships and much planning because of the responsibilities and constant moving. Another option is that I could stay with them for two years during community college and transfer to a university away from them. But I am depressed living with my parents and I share a room with my younger annoying brother. I'm starting to think I have nothing to live for except supporting my family. They make me feel bad, selfish, and just as my sister who moved out to her boyfriend (but they were okay with that since they still had me) when I feel this way. If they had two daughters that had left them behind... that would break their heart and altogether, they would shun and ignore us. Fortunately, I have cousins, aunts, and uncles that would gladly take me in their house from in and out of state, accept my decision, and enable me to attend a close college. I am on the verge of needing to decide because my unhappiness with them is obvious and the tension between my parents and me is increasing for my decision. At the same time, I feel like I have to do this for my family...